I fought in the console wars, kid. That’s how I got this scar – those cartridges packed a punch back in the day.
I got this medal fighting in the Dreamcast battle of 2001. Tough fight, that one. Those Sega goons put up a good fight, they did, but we pushed them back. Lost a lot of good men then, like Jimmy. Good kid, that Jimmy. Had to surrender when his mother wanted to send him to Space Camp. The enemy showed no mercy. I close my eyes, I still hear the trolls.
Now they’re selling these knock-off medals on the internet, kid. I’ve seen your friends wearing them, thinking they’ve seen a real fight with their Battlefield and Halo. They haven’t seen what I have, kid. I’ve seen hell.
They’ve got them for all different factions, too. I see these kids wearing these Super Nintendo medals, thinking it makes them retro. I’m a soldier, I can see it in their eyes. Their 1Up Mushroom belt buckle says ‘Super Nintendo,’ but their eyes say ‘Playstation 2.’
I didn’t use my controller’s cord as a tourniquet while hiding from Nintendo’s men and their Wiimotes so you could buy these medals from Super Mandolini for 18 Euros, kid, like it's a nifty Christmas gift idea or something. Hell, if Nintendo had their way you’d be buying them with Nintendo Points.
I still get flashbacks when I hear those PSX start up chimes.
[Buy your medals at Super Mandolini.]
