How To Spend Your Microsoft Points IRL

Rumor has it [link] the confusing and pointless (heh) Microsoft points system is on it's way out, soon to be replaced by regular, old fashioned and not confusing money. The problem is I have about 1000 points to use and as things stand no one has told me whether those will roll over. I mean… I assume they will but what if they don't? I guess the only thing to do is spend them in a spree of wanton American greed. And in real life. Because I'm broke. Now let's see if I can figure out how many points equals how much of something else. This should be not fun at all. Maths.

If 400 points is five bucks then a Starbucks Iced Venti Unsweetened Green Tea–normally $2.45–is almost half that. I sometimes get two before I go to the gym (one for during and one for after—I am a glutton, worse than any Roman, I know) so that just about takes care of the entire 400 points. The problem is I still have some left over-about 10 cents. Oh god. Things are getting confusing already because 10 cents is how many Microsoft points again? RAGE QUIT. Ugh.

So let's say I just count that dime as a loss. I still have 600 points left which is like 7 dollars-ish. Now what? A hooker? A shot of Jamesons? A tithe? What? I suppose I could spend it on a sandwich but a really good sandwich is usually around 8 dollars and a subway sandwich is like 5 bucks which still leaves me with about 200 points and now I can only think of things in terms of Microsoft points. How many points am I worth? A million? 10,000? WHAT IS A GOOD AMOUNT.

One time I was in Istanbul (bragging!) and a man asked my mother how many camels she wanted for me. She looked at me and whispered, "How many camels should I ask for?" So… yeah. I feel exactly like that right now. Irritated, confused, and anxious about how many camels I am worth. Thanks a heap, Microsoft. May your sons be cursed with a thousand eyes.

I don't think that's a real saying.