5. You get stuff in Modern Warfare 3 for buying junk food.
You can bet your ass that if Satan ever walks the Earth, he'll have some kind of marketing tie-in funding his dark endeavors. Since it's assured that Bobby Kotick will be blowing Satan's big red horn to trumpet The Master's return, Call of Duty has a marketing tie-in as well.
What's the tie-in, you ask? Well, as we all know from personal experience, we gamer kids love only a few things more than pwning noobs and being homophobic online. Sadly, Activision's favor with Satan wasn't strong enough to enslave Felicia Day or the cast of Firefly, so they've had to opt for our other weakness – Mountain Dew and Doritos. I have to give it to them – being a h4rdc0r3 gamer, I clearly cannot resist the siren call of over-caffeinated soft drinks and carbohydrates laced with MSG. That, alone, is enough to pull me in. But Bobby Kotick don't care, and he's gonna up the ante.
Now, when I gorge myself on shame and nacho cheese, I can sift through my solid waste to find the Doritos bags and Mountain Dew bottles my body has discarded like mouse-bones in an owl pellet (much like our avian friend, the owl, I must consume my sustenance whole – I don't have time to unwrap things), and redeem codes printed on them for double XP in Modern Warfare 3! Awesome!
Having a competitive advantage over my opponents in Modern Warfare 3 for doing something I already do is the best thing they could have ever added to the game! I mean, there's no point in improving the actual game, so why not improve upon the marketing surrounding the game!?
I just love paying $60 for a game, and then additionally pay a potentially unlimited sum of money just to not get the shit kicked out of me online. That sounds awesome! Oh man, I am definitely selling a kidney for that!
