Top 5 Reasons You’ll Need to Sell a Kidney this Fall

4. There will be premium services you won't need, but you'll buy them anyhow.

Modern Warfare 3 also launches alongside Call of Duty Elite, which is a subscription service that gives players access to any DLC pack, stat tracking, and the ability to become a Premium Member in Bobby Kotick's satanic death-coven. Premium Members have their choice of being the first to serve as mindslaves or play war drums on the skin of wailing children in The Dark Lord's Army, as well as access to higher quality virgin blood for use during rituals while in the Earth-realm.

You have to give it to Activision. They really know how to squeeze every bit of juice from a lemon, then use the left-over lemon husk as tennis shoes, then sell those tennis shoes back to the guys who originally bought the lemon juice as a vessel to keep their “Call of Duty Assault Juice” fresh. They're like those old stories your elementary school teacher would tell you about Native Americans, except with video games – and their nourishment isn't buffalo meat, their nourishment is your money.

After all, it's clear that Activision is doing this because they love their fans more than any other group of people who infuse the company with money. I can't imagine any other group of people who would be concerned about Activision's long-term financial health, whom Activision would completely cater to, at the exclusion of practically everything else.