#7. The DK Arcade [Donkey Kong 64]
As if Donkey Kong 64 hasn’t been slapped around enough. One of the least-good sequels to a great franchise, Donkey Kong 64 is a Banjo-Kazooie game if it was much more aggravating, forcing you to complete endless busy work to find all the random bananas on each expansive map. There are lots of mini-games here, but the worst we all remember is actually a classic arcade port.
To earn a golden banana in one stage, you’ll have to replay the original Donkey Kong arcade and earn a high score. The game itself isn’t very well optimized on the original N64, and this challenge is infamously difficult. It’d be nice if we could give up, but players have to find everything to earn the last boss. Yes, really — and so you have to play as Mario, jumping over barrels and perfecting your arcade playing skills. It’s one of the most memorably frustrating parts of a memorably boring game.
#8. MesuKing [Yakuza Kiwami]
I love the Yakuza series, but even I couldn’t stomach playing through every tournament in MesuKing — a bizarre mini-game all about women cat-fighting that’s barely playable. It’s a recreation of the underground ‘cat-fights’ from the previous game, Yakuza Zero, which was also awful. What makes MesuKing even worse is how stomach-turning the whole thing is.
Both modes feature scantily-clad women grappling each other. Maybe MesuKing is a commentary on how unsexy this whole event is, because instead of dressing up as cheerleaders, strict school teachers, or other fetish bait stuff — the women of MesuKing dress as disgusting bugs, while massive beetles twitch and cheer from the sidelines. If you don’t like watching gross bug models thrashing in the throes of combat sport ecstasy, you might want to avoid this.
Bring back even more bad memories of the worst mini-games on the next page.
