Nintendo Website Says Mario’s Plumbing Days Are Over

After 34 years of squeezing through pipes and recovering coins from underground chambers, Mario is calling it quits. Not from future games, but from his official occupation.

According to the character profile on Nintendo’s Japanese website, Mario is listed as a former plumber alongside his renowned participation in the fields of tennis, soccer and kart racing. For anyone familiar with Mario’s unique, multi-ethnic history—an English-speaking Italian plumber created by a Japanese company—this will come as a huge shock. Make no mistake, this decision isn’t a minor one.

It shatters the foundations of video game history itself.

After years of immersing himself in golf, brawling, parties, pinball, platforming, and more recently, sprinting, it should have been obvious Mario was shirking his true duties. But in true Nintendo form, the truth was concealed until 2017. What does this spell for the future, I hear you ask?

Brace yourselves. Mario’s surname might not be Mario after all.