Never Bet On Duke [Bulletstorm: Full Clip Edition]
Let’s get this out of the way first — Bulletstorm: Full Clip Edition is a perfectly adequate re-release. If you’re playing on consoles, it’s more than adequate! On PS4/PS5 and Xbox One / Series X, the new version runs at 60 FPS, making the shooting smoother than ever. The game itself looks great, even if it’s been barely tweaked. But who cares! The game doesn’t need many changes. It’s still incredibly fun to play, and with no sequel on the horizon, it’s still a totally unique little game about shooting bad guys in the wackiest ways possible.
So why is it on this list? The game might be overpriced, but it’s the Pre-Order bonus that’s got me all riled up. Publisher Gearbox Software — lead by huckster Randy Pitchford — decided to include a bonus mode where you play as Duke Nukem instead of the normal protagonist. Duke Nukem was and is a joke of a property thanks to the terrible reception of Duke Nukem Forever, but even in an ironic way, the Duke Nukem Mode is lazy. It’s so unfunny, so bored, so lazily written and poorly produced, that it sucks all the charm out of Bulletstorm’s absurdist over-the-top foul-mouthed action.
The Daniel Craig Version [Goldeneye 007]
We all loved Goldeneye on N64. As a waning fan, I loved it — then hated it — then went back to loving it again. There’s something special about Goldeneye on N64, and it’s stuck with fans for a long time. It’s a special chunk of FPS with a lot of nostalgic love. Activision tried to cash-in on that love with a completely overhauled remake confusingly titled James Bond 007: Goldeneye.
Not only is the game remade, but the story is too — Pierce Brosnan has been replaced with Daniel Craig’s likeness. And everyone else? Well, it appears they’ve been replaced by random people in the Activision Offices, because memorable villains like Alec Trevelyan now look like Joe Schmoe off the street.
The levels themselves have been completely remade from scratch, removing the playful creativity of the originals — no bonus objectives you’ll have to figure out here. It’s all been streamlined. At the time, nobody was complaining. It was nice just to have a real FPS on the Nintendo Wii. That makes it an okay game, but absolutely not as good as the original. Does anyone even remember this game exists?
Video game remakes have the potential to be great, and there are so many more on the horizon. Some of these remakes aren’t even bad games — but they’re not-so-great remakes. Let us know which remakes you love (and hate) and we’ll share more of our favorites in future lists.
