“Causeway Cannibal” Involved in Zombie-Like Attack

It has come to our attention that there has been a possible zombie attack in Miami, FL. It may be necessary that the world begin training themselves in Call of Duty: Black Ops for at least two hours a day in preparation for the plague’s arrival in your designated region.

For those of you who have already been training and catching up on the latest in zombie survival, it’s time to up the ante. A swift trip through Dead Island or Resident Evil 4 is in order. Please assist your less zombie-savvy friends in preparing for the coming apocalypse.

Miami.CbsLocal reports that a naked man was found eating the face of another still-living man on a causeway in broad daylight. The perpetrator was asked to stop multiple times and finally fired upon – but he didn’t stop his consumption of the man’s face.

The victim had lost nearly half of his face before the other man succumbed to four bullets. He was then taken to Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami.

Dr. Paul Adams said that this isn’t the first time he has come across incidents such as this in the past months.

“Extremely strong, I took care of a 150 pound individual who you would have thought he was 250 pounds,” Dr. Adams said. “It took six security officers to restrain the individual.”

Ready your safehouses.

(This is not an actual zombie attack, by the way. Drugs were probably involved.)