After more than two years of inexplicable delays, I think I've finally cracked the secret to Polytron's dimension-bending platformer Fez. It doesn't exist. This whole time, every screenshot and video we've seen were all just part of an elaborate hoax.
Think about it, man. Isn't Phil Fish the sort of guy who'd play some sort of overly complex hipster prank on us? Or maybe it's a research experiment designed to track how long the average gamer will be strung along waiting for a release date. I don't have the specifics yet.
Seriously, though, take a look at this new trailer, which features more than six minutes of so-called "gameplay footage." Now, if you look carefully at frame 447, you see that the entire thing is obviously just a bunch of computer generated images designed to convince us that Fez is a real thing. Nice try, Fish.
According to the Man, Fez is currently in the final stages of certification, and should be released on the Xbox Live Arcade soon.