Skyrim Teaches Homoerotic Maneuvers, Apparently

You know what my favourite part of Skyrim was? The part where it taught me to perform all those homoerotic sex maneuvers.

That’s right – according to Christwire, that game we’ve all been playing instead of sleeping and doing our laundry has actually been teaching us about all manner of homoerotic sex acts and lingo, from Skyrimming to Dragon Fisting.

“Right off the bat, the gay supporting software company Blizzard, shows the player images of decapitations and after the third of forth head chopping, a necromatic dragon appears and sets the player free from righteous punishment,” The review, by Tyson Bowers III, reads. “Now that the player is free, they will spend the next 400 hours robbing people, killing villagers, crafting sexual items, fornicate with elves and other Harry Potter style animals and also learn how to conjure up black magic.”

Okay, keyboard warrior, settle down. Christwire is actually very clever parody website, almost as if The Onion and Chick Tracts had a baby. The review itself is pretty funny, as are the comments left by those who… didn’t ‘get’ the joke.

Excuse me, I have to go perform an ‘Icy Spear.’