Re-casting the Mass Effect 3 Voice Actors For Maximum Sexiness. You’re Welcome.

The official list of voice actors for ME3 is making the internet rounds today and for some inexplicable reason everyone seems unreasonably excited about the inclusion of Freddie Prinze Jr as possible love interest James Vega. Ugh. People confuse me. Seriously, that dude has all the sex appeal of a toast soaked in gravy and left in the fridge for a week. Prinze Puss aside, I'll give everyone a boner pass for Tricia Helfer as the Normandy's now corporeal AI EDI (me included) but the rest of the cast, while certainly accomplished and awesome, could still be improved with some extra hotttttt sexxxinessss – in my opinion. Here are my picks for a more orgasmic ME3 listening experience even though you never asked for them.

Joker: Zach Galifinakis

The Illusive Man: Paul Rudd

Miranda: Eva Green

Aria T'Loak: Uh…okay I forgot this was already Carrie Ann Moss. I love her.

Dr. Liara T'Soni: Alison Brie

Captain Anderson : Idris Elba

Admiral Steven Hackett: Robert Redford (for the um advanced ladies and dudes)

James Vega: Paul Rudd who is certainly not Freddie Prinze Jr thank god.

Diana Allers: I vote to keep Jessica Chobot because game journo ladies gotta stick together and represent, amirite?

Shepard: Paul Rudd for MaleShep and… Paul Rudd for FemShep.

I want to do the sex on Paul Rudd is what I am getting at here in case you missed that.