I'm going to confess something to you guys (and by guys I mean, ladies and dudes – I am not sexist no matter what the internet tells me). I have a bad habit of not finishing games. I say this at the risk of sounding like a hack (although I know for a fact WE ALL do it) but hear me out.
No wait, don't hear me out. I really have no good excuse other than I get busy, like to leave the house on occasion (usually booze or exercise or both related), and enjoy watching TV and reading far too much. I do love the poop out of video games but my attention span is getting shorter and shorter with every year the internet sinks its grimy, adorable, cat filled claws into me. So it is with this qualifier I give you 7 of the games I actually stuck with until the very end and why. And yeah… I only list 7 because I started watching this video and now I can't stop.
Bioshock:
This game. THIS GAME. It had me at Dystopian Underwater City. Seriously, anyone who loves The Hunger Games and Boardwalk Empire will understand my real, true love for this thing. I want to marry , fuck, AND kill it.
Bioshock 2:
Same but with more plasmids and bathyspheres.
Mass Effect:
Before it got boring in the second one, this game made space RPGs a RELEVANT THING.
The Simpsons Hit and Run:
I get a little OCD about any kind of driving game so I was bound to obsess about doing every mission in this one but also it was so funny I laughed my balls off and I don't have balls.
All the Splinter Cells:
Remember when Sam Fisher grew his hair out for civilian life after his daughter was murdered (SPOILERS OR SOMETHING)? Yeah, I think about that Sam Fisher a lot. Plus I guess I really like hiding behind potted palms.
Portal 2:
I will never ever shut up about this game. Not until I die. Nothing will ever be as funny, sad, or smart as Portal 2. Except maybe me after three whiskeys and a shot of tequila. RIMSHOT! Thank you.
Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
Basically, I've been to war now and am a lethal killing machine with deep seated trust issues —journaling incessantly about a man in a floppy hat named Soap while I yell "NOOB TOOB" at random strangers on the street.
That's it! Now show me yours. And yes I mean email me your naked parts (please don't do that).
