Hats. Hats. Hats. Team Fortress 2 is all about hats… and killing. Aside from offering great gameplay and a genuinely good old time, much of the time players spend in TF2 revolves around the accumulation, and showing off of flashy hats and other miscellaneous items. Some hats are easier to get than others, while others have more difficult prerequisites, requiring that players purchase, or play specific Steam games before they can be acquired.
This guide aims to take a look—and help you acquire—some very often overlooked hats, weapons, and miscellaneous items for Team Fortress 2.
Spiral Sallet
Cost to you: Free!
Duration: 45 minutes-1.5 hours
This particular hat is designed for the Soldier, and resembles a medieval knight's helmet with an open mouth and nose area. To unlock the Spiral Sallet, you must complete the "Mission Accomplished" achievement in the free-to-play game Spiral Knights, downloadable from Steam.
Simply download Spiral Knights and run through the tutorial. Spiral Knights plays a lot like Diablo and other action RPGs. After completing the tutorial, run north in Haven until you reach an area labeled "Arcade." Speak to the tall non-player character who is standing in entrance of the area to accept the mission to go to the Clockworks. Then continue north ahead of him and activate one of the Clockwork Terminals. Simply Create a Party or Join an existing Party and fight through several levels, until you reach Level 4. When you arrive, you will complete the achievement "Mission Accomplished" and you will receive an in-game mail from Mann Co. informing you of your unlocked item in Team Fortress 2.
It can take some time to accomplish the mission, and dying can put a serious hamper on your progress. Stand in the back and let your teammates deal with the boss monsters, because they deal a lot of damage. You may also have to put up with screaming children and other annoyances thanks to the game's built-in voice chat which is enabled by default, so don't hesitate to disable it in the options.
Poker Night at the Inventory
Items: The Iron Curtain (Minigun), Dangeresque, Too? (Demoman Misc.), The Collector's Timepiece (Spy watch), The Lugermorph (Pistol), License to Maim (Misc.)
Cost to you: $4.99
Duration: 1.5-2 hours
You can acquire a total of five items by playing Poker Night at the Inventory, which costs $4.99 on Steam. This Texas Hold'Em poker game features the likes of the Heavy, Max the Rabbit, Strong Bad, and Penny Arcade's Tycho, all of whom will make jokes and banter with you while you play.
Occasionally, one of these characters will offer you an item instead of money that you can unlock by beating them at poker. To skip to the chase, simply start a new game and watch the introductory cutscene play out until you get one informing you that a character wishes to trade in an item for his bet. It can take anywhere from five to 10 restarts until you get this option. Once you beat that character and unlock his item, he will no longer offer it, making the acquisition of the remaining items that much easier.
My tip here is to bet low on most hands and only bet high when you are confident you can win. Queens, Kings and Aces can go a long way when no one has a matching pair. Just remember that it isn't enough to win the tournament to unlock the item: you must deliver the killing hand to your opponent to unlock his item.
When you're done, you can equip your Demoman to look like Kanye West, and your Heavy can carry a minigun that looks akin to a weapon of Soviet design.
Alien Swarm Parasite
Cost to you: Free!
Duration: Instant
To get the Alien Swarm hat, which you can equip on any character, just download Alien Swarm for free on Steam, and complete two co-op missions with a friend (or a stranger). When you log back into Team Fortress 2, you'll find a message notifying you that a little headcrab is waiting for you in your backpack.
Mann Co. Cap and World Traveler's Hat
Cost to you: $0.99
Duration: Instant
If you have never purchased an item on the Mann Co. store and intend to make one for the first time, you could do much worse. To unlock these two hats at once, simply purchase a map stamp on the Mann Co. store and you will unlock both the World Travelers Hat and the Mann Co. Cap at once.
Congratulations! You're well on your way to spending hundreds of dollars on Team Fortress 2. Well, hopefully not.
Professor Speks
Cost to you: Free! (or a Guilt-Free Conscience)
Duration: Variable
Acquiring the Professor Speks miscellaneous item is easy. Simply convince an F2P friend to go Premium and recommend you when he or she is given the option and you will receive the item in your mail. Alternatively, you can coach a new player on the basics of Team Fortress 2 to unlock the item, though this may take some time to accomplish and you will have to be at least somewhat knowledgeable about the game.
Ghastly Gibus
Cost to you: Free!
Duration: Variable
To acquire the Ghastly Gibus, a rotten stovepipe of a hat, you must dominate another player who currently has the item equipped. Simply join a public (e.g. Valve) server and dominate one of the free to play players to unlock one of these. To dominate someone, just try to stay alive and kill them as many times as you possibly can. It is better not to actively pursue this hat and simply unlock it over time. You'll get it eventually.
Director's Vision
Cost to you: Free!
Duration: 15-30 minutes
Simply hop onto a replay-enabled TF2 server, and kill some dudes. After you die, simply hit F6 to save your replay video.
When you're feeling up to it, jump into the Replay Editor and work some movie magic into your replay by hitting the space bar. Spend some time in it until the game informs you that you've unlocked the "Star Of My Own Show" achievement. As soon as this happens, the Director's Vision action item will become available. Equip it in your action slot and hit the action button (default: "H") while in-game to show it off.
Remember to upload your video to YouTube when you're done!
Feel free to have some fun with the Editor. Unlocking the Director's Taunt is just the icing on the cake—a very delicious cake. If that wasn't enough, you'll also receive a whole bunch of achievements for doing all of this.
Frontline Field Recorder
Cost to you: Free!
Duration: Variable
Prerequisite: Minor talent as a cinematographer
This one’s a lot harder to acquire than anything else I’ve written about. For this hat, you'll need at least 1000 views on your TF2 YouTube video. You'll have to upload a TF2 replay from within the game that's hopefully either instructional, funny, or otherwise worth watching. Tell your friends about your video and don't forget to link it up on gaming forums like reddit's r/TF2 subreddit.
It's hard work, but the helmet's well worth it. If you can accomplish this, you'll be well on your way to fame and (hopefully) fortune in the TF2 community.
